Archives For Self Leadership

Ah… The Little Things

15/05/2013 — Leave a comment

This is one of those posts that just remind us. Uhm… remind us of how human we can be. That sounds a little odd. Let’s try again. This is one of those posts that remind us how human we are.

So, I had a brain fart. You know, those moments your attention and logic lapses. We’re very good at laughing at others’ stupid mistakes. “How on earth could someone do something so silly?!”

Let others’ (“funny”) mistakes be more than a reason for laughter. Let those moments be a remind of our humanity. Let it be a reminder of how we’re all equally capable of faux pas moments under the right conditions.

Let me illustrate:

little things Ah... The Little Things

Instead of looking for the scissors we keep in the kitchen, I decided to use the sharpest knife in our kitchen to open vacuum-sealed cheese. That was only the beginning of my “mistake” (<— see what I did there? made it a little more “civil”).

I was successful in doing two things:

1. I managed to open the cheese
2. I managed to cut my little finger in the process

It is always the little things that remind us of our humanity. Yes, it’s my turn to be human…

It is often the mundane that we overlook. The impact of small things done mindlessly can have grave consequences. It is moments we get lost in our thoughts while doing the mundane that can derail us.

It can be reaching for something while driving that can land you in hospital.

There are a lot of seemingly small things we do day to day that have the capacity to impale us in many ways. This is generally the result of either familiarity or concentration lapses.

Perhaps you need to move a little slower. Think a little longer, and most of all be present. Be very present.

What little things have reminded you of how human you are lately? 

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The Grading Tango | Honest

10/05/2013 — 1 Comment

Everyone will have a perception about your abilities. Sometimes they’re unfounded. Some are accurate… you know the rest…

We have an idea of our capabilities and we’d like those around us to be as accurate as possible in their asses them. The truth is sometimes we really want people to see our capabilities as higher than they really are.

Leaders want their teams to admire them for how smart and great leaders they are. Team members want their leaders to overrate them so they seem a tad bit better than their colleagues. They want to be further acknowledged by having greater responsibility inferred on them.

weight The Grading Tango | Honest

be secure enough about yourself to be real. THAT is integrity and the basis of credibility

Who are we fooling? The sad truth is that when we portray ourselves to be better at something than we really are, we set our teams and ourselves up for failure. There is a fine line between stretching yourself and misrepresenting yourself. Misrepresenting yourself includes you not correcting people who rate your abilities as greater.

I don’t deny, being ‘graded’ better than you really are can present an opportunity for you to go up to ‘the next level’. There is a greater risk of failure. The stakes are higher and the reputation that you’ve worked for years to build could be destroyed in an instant.

Be honest about your abilities. Firstly, to yourself and to those who attempt to enlist you with a perception that you’re greater than you are. Be honest that you aspire to the quality they’ve graded you to and state exactly what you’re doing to get there.

Related: Wine | Why You Must Love Obscurity and Structure | Why You Must Love Obscurity

This will give you credibility with people. Integrity is when your words and your actions are one. This is a character we want everyone around us to have. The irony is we, ourselves, are willing to compromise this when it comes to us. We want everyone else to be truthful about his or her abilities while we want to seem greater than we really are.

Stop trying to get ahead through the image and be the real deal. Leaders, teams respect and will follow a leader that is real. Leaders love team members that are honest about their capabilities.

The danger of being dishonest cannot be overstated. It will be obvious that you’re incompetent when it matters most. And those are the defining moments. Those critical moments when you’re required to deliver at the level you’re not are the times people are either catapulted further up or taken down to even lower depths.

Don’t be smug; be real. Don’t undermine yourself; say exactly where you’re at. There is nothing wrong with being on a lower rung on the ladder as long as you’re working on getting better. Be honest.

[image by: pasukaru76 | cc]

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What Pride and Self-Pity Have In Common

22/04/2013 — Leave a comment

Pride and self-pity are the same thing but different. I bet you’ve never thought of these two in the same sentence (See the first sentence).

All Of Us

We’re all capable of either pride and self-pity at one time or another. In some circumstances, all at the same time. We’re all very good at pointing fingers, ironically in pride, and stating how we’d never be a jerk like the one we’re looking at. We all know the one guy whose ego is so big you see it miles before he arrives or opens his mouth.

On the other hand you know someone who always sees things happening to him. The guy or gal who, as far as they are concerned, all the bad things happen only to them. No one but them…

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we’re all capable of either pride or self-pity; none of them are healthy for us and those around us

|| image by Keoni Cabral | cc

 

In fact no one ever seems to care about them. They are the only ones who face challenges. I mean it’s clear everyone else always has it good. How come no one ever sees the pain they’re (always) in? How come no one ever stops to see about them? Like, ever?

If you think any of what you’ve just read is never you, go tell the person in the mirror not only are you a liar but you’re one proud jerk. Stop it.

Focus

Pride and self-pity have the same focus, the person coddling them. Both pride and self-pity say look at me, nothing else. Both say you must do something for me. Pride says, “I’m all that… bow before me.” while self-pity says, “I feel so sorry for me, you don’t seem to feel sorry for me enough”.

The problem with this is you forget that the world is bigger than you. Bigger than your problems.

Pride and self-pity are selfish

Pride will blind you to the fact that whatever reason you justify for being ‘all that’, there is someone better. If you are the best then remember that you could still learn something from a baby in diapers.

Self-pity will have you thinking you’re the only one in pain or suffering, when there is someone worse off than you.

Victims

When you suffer, yes suffer, from pride or self-pity you’re a victim. Either has power to destroy you. Both have power to cloud who you are to yourself and those around you, as your identity becomes what you’re either prideful or pitiful about. In fact, your identity will become your pride or self-pity.

Point

Remember, under the right circumstance, you can easily fall into either. We all need people around us to help us realize when we fall into either and wallow. Just be you. Don’t think any less of yourself but think of yourself less.

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How To Ask Great Questions for Great Learning & Leadership | Part 1

15/04/2013 — 4 Comments

Questions are a great medium of learning. Great students love and understand the importance of questions. Leaders who do not have appreciation for questions, especially directed at them miss out on opportunities to communicate values and vision to their team.

The mark of great students and leaders is not only being able to answer questions well, but also being able to ask great questions.

How to ask great questions:

Think

Boring interviews, classes or mentoring is often the result of boring questions. In order to take your learning or research to empowering levels never ask “off-the-top-of-your-head” questions. These questions are a little short of an insult.

Off-the-top-of-your-head questions normally get off-the-top-of-the-head answers. The answers are often obvious.

To make the most of time with your mentor, speaker or your team ask well thought out questions.

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questions, like any tools must be used effectively for greater results

|| image by Clarkston SCAMP | cc

Equipping questions are ones that even when you think about them, cannot easily formulate an answer for them.  Challenging questions create great opportunities for new information that can grow you tremendously.

If you know the agenda of a meeting you will be attending, think about the questions you are going to ask before the meeting. Consider how empowering they could be.

Prepare for attending a conference. Think about what it is about and what you want to learn from it. Remind yourself before each session. This will help you listen and engage with a critical ear, helping you to ask non-typical questions.

Great thinkers ask great questions, that cause great learning.

The Edge

 

Be a little more daring in asking questions. Interviews and meetings can easily be a boring and unhelpful because everyone wants to ask panels or other people in the meetings that keep people as comfortable as possible.

Don’t just ask questions to rile people or for controversy’s sake, but don’t be afraid to ask daring questions. Never be afraid to challenge speakers on their talks or subjects. Don’t be rude but ask the questions everyone has on their minds but is too scared to ask.

Fear of asking what is really on your mind will stand in the way of growth.

Any great facilitator, speaker, teacher or leader is hungry for deep engaging questions, and these questions do not come up when you’re too afraid to ask.

Ask anyway even if you have to ask with sweaty palms and a quivering voice. Remember the goal is to learn and help those you’re with to learn and grow as well.

Never allow difference of opinion or perspective get in the way of a great question and learning. Fear stops you from engaging those who think differently. Let your learning and cause be more important the being comfortable. Be on the edge if you have to…

Any question that doesn’t help you grow is not worth asking. Rock the boat if it is means greater growth.

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Diversity Celebrated | Interview With Craig Makhosi (Part 1)

09/04/2013 — Leave a comment

I was privileged to interview Craig Charnock (aka Quite a White Ou). He’s a great guy with a great story.

(Unfortunately I will not be able to share everything about Craigie but have drawn portions of our conversations into small bites to challenge us and hopefully cause us to reach across the things that separate us. This goes deeper than just colour…)

He teaches Mlungus (white people) to speak Xhosa and Zulu all over Mzantsi (South Africa). In his debut single, Ndingumlungu, Quite a White Ou teaches isiXhosa through his rap lyrics. He’s loudly and proudly South African.

Understanding others and diversity means immersing ourselves, in one way or another, in other people’s worlds

Quite a White Ou (aka Craigieji Makhosi by day) runs Ubuntu Bridge, a company that has been teaching Xhosa and Zulu language and culture courses since 2005 to the public, corporates, NGOs and schools.

Press PLAY and let’s connect after the conversation

play audio Diversity Celebrated | Interview With Craig Makhosi (Part 1)

Check out Quite a White Ou’s video…

Also see Craig’s TEDx Talk

What does diversity mean to you? What are some of the, small yet significant and practical things you think we can all do to strengthen unity in diversity? Leave a comment.

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