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Don’t Trip That Granny

August 23, 2011 in Life, Ministry, Parenting, Self Leadership with 0 Comments

You know the days you’re running late and every traffic light is red? It it just so happens while you drive someone cuts in right in front of you! You’re tempted to tell the guy a ‘piece of your mind’…  You get to the mall and it happens to be senior citizens’ discount day. Though you’re in a rush you wait to let the senior citizen go before you. The walker they’re using doesn’t help much.

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes find myself thinking about what I could do. Perhaps reciprocate the middle finger salute I just received. Or, roll my window down and give the driver who cut me off a nasty tongue lash for a reprimand. Maybe trip the granny that is moving at one meter per hour, so I can be on my way. I don’t follow through, of course. It would be totally out of character. The fact that you think some things doesn’t warrant you to act on them.

The truth is I’m sometimes too quick to voice against injustices against me. Why is it easy for me to talk about how someone or a service provider mistreated me and I’m not so quick to speak up when I’m the perpetrator?! The golden rule explicitly states, ‘do to others what you’d like them do to you’. We twist the golden rule with our actions when we do to others what they’ve done to us but we don’t want them to do to us what they’ve just done to us.

Before I complain about how someone has cut me off in traffic, I should remember that I probably did the same to someone else at another time. Before I start contemplating tripping the granny I should consider the fact that on a day I wasn’t in a rush I was in the way for someone who was. Before I criticize the service provider I should consider how I can be a difficult client. Today I’m reminded that for the one finger I’m pointing there are three pointing back at me. Before I pass judgment I must remember that I am sometimes the  guy who violates me. I should remember that I switch roles between the victim and perpetrator… This is a note to myself and anyone else like me; whatever you do don’t to trip that granny!

UK Riots, Social Media AND The Real Problem

August 13, 2011 in Life, Parenting, Social Media with 0 Comments

I read a Mashable blog post about Facebook and (Research In Motion) RIM, the Blackberry manufacturer, going to meet UK government officials. The agenda seems to be a result of prime minister, David Cameron’s statement in the House of Commons. According to Mashable, David Cameron mentioned on how, together with some government agencies, they were looking into the possibility of stopping people that were communicating on social media platforms with malevolent intent.

My thoughts… Imposing a ban may not really be the solution.  I think it is important to have some regulations and laws in order to protect people. At the same time I think the riots and history has shown that while the law may deter some from engaging in some activities, it will not deter all. Putting a ban on social media could be like putting a ban on the use of cars because bank robbers used it as a means to get away. Traffic laws still exist… There should be regulations… You cannot shutdown a whole transport system because the ‘bad guys’ use it to get about. How different would the UK government be from some of the states they’ve lambasted in implementing some communication restrictions, if they did the same…? That would be hypocritical! It would be sad waste resources to pursue eradication of means to destructive ends that are merely tools. The scope of my post is not the ban or regulations…

Somehow attention seems to be going to social media. As I’ve already suggested, I don’t think imposing a ban on social media is the solution. The problem is not social media per se. Social media is merely an ‘innocent’ tool. It is neither good nor bad. When society is faced with what the UK experienced recently, it is more important to look at why people did what they did and to the extent they went. Not necessarily what they used. The recent events should cause the UK government and other countries around to world to ask, why the riots started in the first place.

One of the issues is that of values. People’s actions are a mere manifestation of their values. Actions will be always lived out based on the values embraced. The majority of the rioters were young people. In the recent years how people were brought up has been used as justification for malevolent action. In this case, I think it may be used appropriately. Before we blame the looting rioters I think society must first acknowledge and own its part in raising generation acting in this manner. This does not absolve the young people of any responsibility. They still had choices to not participate and perhaps start a counter campaign. Some made choices not to give in to negative peer pressure. Some opportunists grabbed at the chance to get things they never broke a sweat to attain.

 The riots are evidence that work, integrity, character, justice, goodwill to others and other values are no longer as highly esteemed. This could be a result of government policies. It could relate to how the young people are being brought up. It could be a result of the promotion of flippant value on things / stuff, they are taught by some bad role models. Perhaps just a heightened selfishness. Maybe all of the above…

 This is a debate I’ve been having with myself. I honestly don’t know the answer. Oh! And before it sounds like I’m out to bash the UK government, let me say it could’ve been any country in the world. I wonder how many other countries or communities around the world, under the right conditions would’ve experienced what the UK has in the last few days. I think the riots and looting should be a wakeup call not just to the UK government, but the world at large.

 We should all be looking at ourselves, as individuals, families, communities, counties, districts and countries and ask ourselves some questions. What kind of communities are we building? What values are we embracing and perpetuating in the lives of the young around us? Why do we seem not to have the courage to address the real issues, but rush to ‘blame’ the tools being used to manifest the fruit of our failure to confront ourselves and our children? The question we should be asking is not what was stolen. It should not be what was used to rally the young people; if the tools used were to be taken away completely, I am sure they would find other means if they were determined. The question should be why and how are we contributing to this denigration of values, as individuals right up to the collective as nations?

 Your thoughts?

The Speed Of ‘Destruction’

March 21, 2011 in Chrstianity, Leadership, Life, Ministry, Parenting, Self Leadership, Teamwork, Vision with 6 Comments

I was just thinking about a visit I took to a city I love. As I looked at how the city had changed, I compared the images in the city to the ones that were lodged in my mind since I was last there. What I saw saddened me. The grass overgrown yet it used to be cut by the city‟s municipality / council. More than half the traffic lights were not working and not much, if any, maintenance had been done to most buildings recently. Cars, even in the city center move in zigzag at a snails’ pace because of the potholes that have become common place on the roads.

The infrastructure seemed to be on a steady decline from neglect. To a greater extent the reason for the derelict sight  was due to economic chaos that has speedily destroyed the city. The heartrending images in this city demonstrated the regressive impact that neglect, in general, can breed.

There is an author I can’t remember, who referred to how neglect activates the “law of nature‟, whereby even the most beautiful garden, if neglected, will become a jungle. A lot of areas in our lives have the potential to fall apart when we do nothing to consciously maintain them. For instance, when parents neglect spending quality time with their children, divides are created culminating in a breakdown in relationships and other manifestations of dysfunctions in the family.

Part of a definition of neglect by www.wordweb.info suggests giving little or no attention to something. Perhaps giving little or no attention to improving your skills in your career or work environment could put you in danger. Could it be possible then, that if we are not making any conscious effort or giving attention to improvement in whatever area, we step into the “neglect zone‟? If so, this could mean that if we are not in any way improving, we are getting worse. As a thought: I don’t think we can accept that we could ever be at a stage of maintaining the status quo. It is either we are improving or getting worse.

Neglect is what I’d like to think as one of the major root causes of backsliding. It all starts with missing a day in a week without spending time with God. Then two days the following week. It may start by missing a Connect group meeting or church on to a point where it becomes routine and eventually one is classified as ‘backslidden’. It may be not complimenting your spouse like you used to, culminating in diminished appreciation all round. Neglect could also take on the face of not responding to our friends plight for help like we used to.

The speed of ‘destruction’ is not as fast as we think. Nothing ever “just falls apart” suddenly. It is usually a gradual letting down of the guard. If we do not intentionally and constantly asses our teams, systems and lives we are actually working against ourselves. When was the last time you really took sometime out and did an honest assessment or evaluation of your life, leadership, family, friendships? Based on how you have been expending your time and resources are your priorities still the same? Are you on course? Are there any areas where you are now slacking because it is no longer as easy as it used to be?

I’d like to challenge you to look out for areas of neglect that could have manifested themselves in the life or your family, organization or team. Even in your own personal life. Take note that even the things that seem small or insignificant could be serious. Lots of termites can destroy a large house! Recognizing these things could save your relationship with your children, your marriage, career, connect group, department you serve in… After all, it is the small foxes that spoil the vine.

Something Communicators Must NEVER Forget

November 20, 2010 in Church, Leadership, Life, Parenting, Passion, Productivity, Skills, Teamwork, Vision with 4 Comments

I meet a lot of people every week… I facilitate different types of groups with different types of people. I think life would be extremely boring if we were all alike. I think I’d really hate to have everybody like me. Don’t get it twisted, I really like me and my uniqueness. I would honestly hate seeing another me and losing out on celebrating my uniqueness. If you’re also going to be honest, I think you’d share the same sentiments. AND, because you really know yourself, there may be other reasons why you wouldn’t want other yous… Anyway…

I was reflecting about a group of people I facilitated. As they introduced themselves their diversity became apparent. Besides the fact that they were of different ethnicities, experiences and backgrounds, their personalities and expressions of who they were, were also different. We know this, but it is not always at the fore of our thinking i.e. the differences of people in the crowd or audience. We may share common interests but none of us are common! As a communicator, never, never forget that your audience or target audience are a collection of unique individuals.

One of the implications of this is that you remember to ride off more common experiences than to a personal experience that not everyone may relate to. It may mean making reference to a new ad on tv or billboard etc… Whatever you do as you communicate, remember to find as many things that most people will be able to relate to. Your (potential) audience will tell you how to prepare. Do your best to know as much about your audience prior to your speaking engagement as possible…

For instance, when in the rainbow nation, South Africa, one also needs to be careful how you “season” your communication with words from another language. There are many instances where the same word means a completely different thing from one language to another… Hence the importance of being watchful to find the middle ground.

Another thing I had to remind myself of, was that not everybody responds the way I do. I was reminded of days I’d get frustrated with my audience or group I was facilitating because they just weren’t responding the way “they were supposed to”. Not everybody assimilates things the same and the fact that they are not responding to us or our communication the way we’d rather have them doesn’t mean they are not getting you. It may simply mean that they don’t respond the way you do.  I’ve had people that I thought were totally “out of it” be the ones to come and share about what they learnt from a talk and how they envisage the impact in their lives.

Don’t beat yourself up and diminish the (potential) impact of your presentation by judging based on how you are likely to respond! Engage your audience not yourself! People are not going to respond to you the way you respond because you are the one communicating. Get comfortable with the fact that not everybody will think you or your jokes are funny. We are all wired differently and don’t have the same sense of humor (if any). The primary goal of your communication is not the response as you communicate but that your message gets across in a palatable and concise manner.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that reading your crowd’s response is not important so that you can adjust accordingly. What I am saying is don’t get too hung up on it. Sometimes our perceptions based on response of the crowd  are inaccurate. Make sure you engage your audience to enable your communication, but do not sum up your effectiveness based on how you would respond. Keep in mind your audience is not you and, chances are they are not exactly like that last group you addressed at an earlier setting either. Be happy with responses even if they are not how you would respond (hoping they are positive ones). Remember, we may have common interests but we are all not common!

Your thoughts?

Final Words

October 5, 2010 in Leadership, Life, Ministry, My Lessons From Last Week, Parenting with 2 Comments

We all have people we look up to for diverse reasons. Some of the reasons we look up to them could be that they have strengths in areas we don’t. Or they’ve achieved in areas we desire to achieve in… The reasons are numerous, perhaps innumerable. And, every now and then we contemplate on questions we would ask them on what it takes to get where they are. We want to know what it is that sets them apart and in some cases what makes them nothing short of demigods in some people’s eyes. When the opportunities to sit at the feet of our heroes we quickly turn them to victims of sort, as we bombard them with one question after another. Let’s flip the tables for a moment; imagine you are in the hero’s chair and someone asks you, “If you had one thing to say to the world what would it be?” Hold the thought for a moment…

This week I will not be posting (what should be my weekly) “My Lessons From Last Week”. However, I’d like to share about someone that made an impact on my life. Last week my last surviving grandparent, my grandmother, (mom’s mom) passed away. I spent some time reflecting on what I’ve learnt from her. As I reflected, I realized I could not recall a time I actually sat with my granny for a lesson. I cannot remember a time I quizzed her about many of ‘life’s issues’. Yet, her signature is undeniably evident on me (and my siblings through mom).

Growing up, I was often not too pleased with my mom assigning my siblings and I seemingly never-ending chores. Mom always saw and or created something to do around the house or in our garden. She was somehow a workaholic and seemed not to have ‘rest’ or ‘break’ in her vocabulary. The truth is as we were growing up we also wanted our ‘breaks from chores’ to last the rest of our lives! In retrospect, the work ethic my mother carried, which when we were younger and felt victims of, was actually ‘inherited’ from granny. In her old age my granny still wanted to work her garden and never could sit still. I now more evenly distribute the ‘blame’ for attempting to instill a work ethic in my siblings and I to include my granny.

This is yet another reminder for us to never underestimate the impact we have on posterity and those close to us. The decisions we make and lives we live daily have directly implications on our children’s children and the children’s children of those we influence now! There are a few other things I realized in my reflection but want to keep to this example and get back to the question, “If you had one thing to say to the world what would it be?”

I got to see my granny for the last time in December last year. The thought that it could be the last time I saw her did cross my mind… The last thing she said to my siblings and I was, “Love one another and never lie”. From all the life lessons she could share she chose to say these words to us. I think that’s profound. Allow me… Love one another – This means that granny probably realized that the most significant thing to be pursued and attained in life is not inconsiderate self gratification. Part of me thinks granny saw where she was in her life as the ‘last stretch’. I think, “Love one another” came out of her time in reflection and allow me to put forward another assumption. At the end of our lives we are going to measure the worth of our lives based on what we did for others. What we did for others will be of more worth than personal achievements. I think granny was also saying, “Live for others and not your selfish ambition and desires”. People who are highly esteemed are those that have been selfless and did something for the enrichment of other people’s lives.

“Never lie”- Granny was reminding us to embrace the value of truth and to not forget the devastating effects of lies. I’m sure granny, in her long life, had seen some devastating effects of lies. Truth builds up and lies ultimately destroy. Truth is the bedrock of character. Being truthful to ourselves and others will protect us. Truth will build and give you a good reputation that cannot be priced. Truth is the cornerstone of authentic relationships. Truth will truly set us free; lies will entangle us it often take another lie to cover another. Truth will create enemies and simultaneously give you true friends. My granny was my hero, but an even greater one now as see how she enriched my life both directly and indirectly.

Who is one of your heroes and what is the one thing you’ve caught from them? If you were in the hero’s seat right now, what’s the one thing you’d say?

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